Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A married couple were vacationing in Hawaii and disagreed on the correct pronunciation of the state name. He said it was Hawaii and his wife said it was Havaii.

They stopped a man on the street to ask his opinion. He said the correct pronunciation was Havaii. The man’s wife was delighted and thanked the man.

The man said, “You’re velcome.”

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.

The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”

“How should I know?” the man answers, “I’m not a lawyer!”

One night, a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, even skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said.

“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $67.50.”

A wealthy ninety year old tycoon is meeting with is financial advisor. The advisor is very excited and tells the old man. “ I just found out about an investment I can make for you which will double your money in just five years!”

“Five years? Are you kidding?” exclaims the old man. “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas!”

It was two o’clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, “Hello? (Pause as he listens.) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?” and promptly slammed the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, “Who was that?”

The husband replies, “I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.”