Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, D.C. when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter, addressing the Harley rider, says: ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’

The Harley rider replies: ‘Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.’

The reporter says: ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living?’

The biker replies: “I’m a U.S. Marine.”

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:

“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”.

All of Broomtown was abuzz because boy-broom and girl-broom were going to get married.

Everyone felt certain that the bride-broom and the groom-broom would make a lovely couple.

The night before the wedding, however, bride-broom told groom-broom that she was going to have a little whisk-broom.

“But, how can that be?” wailed groom-broom, “We haven’t even swept together yet!”

An American man was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig.

He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100-pound pig.

The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth.

The farmer said, “This one will go a little over a 100”.

Astonished, the Yankee said, “Who are you trying to fool? You can’t weigh a pig that way”.

The farmer laughed and called to his young son, “Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man”.

The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth.

Turning to his father the boy said, ” This here pig weighs about 100 pounds”.

The Yankee was having no part of this, so in order to convince him, the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the pig.

After a short delay, the son returned and said, “Ma says she will be right down after she’s finished weighing the mailman.”

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. For this particular trip, he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: “You rest here while I register – I’ll be back within an hour.”

So, his wife lies down on the bed…and just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he’ll be right up. The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

“Look, lie here on the bed – you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”

So he lies down next to the wife… Just then the husband walks in. “What,” he says in an ominous tone, “are you doing here?”

The manager replies: “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit.

So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.

A week later he went in for his first fitting.

He put on the suit and he looked fabulous, he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was preening himself in front of the mirror, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise, he noticed that there were no pockets.

He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?”

The young man answered, “Yes, I did.”

To this, the tailor said, “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”