08/29/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21071
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” asks St. Peter.
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children.”
The last guy replies. “I would like to hear them say… LOOK !!! HE’S MOVING!!!!!”
08/28/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21068
An old man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says,
‘Sir, I’m afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish.
The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I’m afraid I’ll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!’
The old man gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the old man’s table and says,
‘Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I’ll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I’ll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I’ll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I’ll break one of your arms!’
The old man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird’s r*ctum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says,
‘Go ahead!’
08/27/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21059
A guy gets a call from a local radio station. “Congratulations,” says the caller.
“Your phone number has been selected randomly. We’re with KCLA, and we’re having a contest. All you have to do is answer one question correctly, and you win the grand prize.”
“Fantastic!” says the guy.
“It’s a math question,” says the caller. “Feeling confident?”
“I am,” says the guy. “I have a degree in math, and I teach it at the local school.”
“Great!” says the caller. “Okay, to win backstage passes and two VIP tickets to the Justin Bieber concert… What is 2 + 2?”
And the guy says, “Seven.”
08/26/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21057
Patient: “I can’t sleep at night.”
Doctor: “Lie down and count to two thousand, you’ll fall asleep.”
The next day, the patient came back to the doctor.
The doctor asked if he followed the advice.
Patient: “Yes, but it was very difficult — when I reached one thousand, I started feeling sleepy… then I got up, made coffee, and came back to finish the two thousand.”
08/25/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21055
Three convicts escape prison and hide in a barn. Each dives into a big empty sack to stay out of sight.
A cop walks in, suspicious. He kicks the first sack.
“Meooow!”
The cop nods, “Just a cat.”
He kicks the second sack.
“Woof! Woof!”
He shrugs, “Just a dog.”
He kicks the third sack.
A panicked voice blurts out:
“P-POTATOES!!”