Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.

“What’s the matter?” asked Bill of his buddy. “You look kind of down.”

“My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it’s brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.”

A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy.

The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem.

The brunet whispers to the blonde, “Someone should give him head and shoulders.”

And the blonde says, “How do you give shoulders?”

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first,” she said. “What does your mother do all day?”

Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.”

“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amie?”

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.”

“Thank you, Amie,” said the teacher. “What about your father, Billy?”

Billy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks.”

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy’s father said, “I’m actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients.

When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it,

“I’m sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I’m not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month.

I’ll have to get back to you then.”

He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, “Now, what can I do for you?”

“Nothing,” replied the man. “I’m here to hook up your phone.”

A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.

“Your trouble is probably in the carburetor,” said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer.

The amazed man told the farmer his story.

“Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?” asked the farmer.

“Yes, yes,” the man replied.

“Oh! I wouldn’t listen to Bessie,” said the farmer. “She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”