Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A traditional tunisian joke I was told by my grandmother and she heard from hers. The bey(King) was missing his mistress who was living far away. He decided to pay her a visit wearing his more expensive clothes, but out of precaution, he decided to first ask his wazir(minister) of weather whether there would be rain on that day. The wazir paused for 5 minutes, assessing the clouds, counting them, comparing their shapes and colors, and writing down gibberish on an expensive silk paper. At the end, he went to the bey and said: “Sire, there will be no rain this week. If anything, there are risks of drought.”. That made the bey happy and he went along on his journey.

While on the road, he crossed paths with an old hooded man having a donkey. The bey said: “Hey you old thing, can’t you see from the blue of the sky and the heat of the sun that it won’t rain? Why are you wearing a hooded coat?” to which the old man answered: “I thank Your Majesty for the concerns, but you shouldn’t be wearing these summer clothes for it will rain today before sunset. ” The bey didn’t want to waste time there so he just kept on going thinking the old man is crazy.

Obviously, it rained while the bey was midway through. And believe when I say that it was rain like it never rained before since Noah’s flood! The bey arrived tired and soaked to his mistress who couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of the most powerful man in the country in such a poor state. Needless to say that he didn’t get some that night.

Days later when the storm got dissipated and he finally got back to his castle, he fired the wazir and summoned the old man. That man showed up in court with his donkey. The bey didn’t seem to care and said: “Oh wise elder, you managed to predict the rain when even my most educated expert could not. Would you please take his place and become my wazir of weather?”

To which the old man responded: “My King, I cannot accept, for I know nothing of weather. It is my donkey that is mighty for it raises its ears when sun will shine and lay them down when rain will set.”

“I see” the bey said “in that case, it is the donkey that will now be my minister”.

And it is since that day that we tunisians have the custom of having donkeys in the government!

Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils. One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.

Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.

“Look,” said Mr. Dickson, quite enjoying himself while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little ‘zero’. “This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole.”

“Ahh, right” said the children.

The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, “Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in one hole.”

“Hmmmm,” Mr Dickinson said, “How do you put 7 holes in one? Well, I’ll be darned. I don’t know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?”

“Yes,” said Little Johnny, He asked me to tell you, ‘Take a flute and shove it up your ass!'”

Two little old ladies, Connie, and Jean, were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The short one, Jean, leaned over and said, “Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10 I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show”!
“You’re on!” said Connie, holding up a $10 bill.
So, Jean slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes.
She grabbed a dried flower from a nearby display and held it between her teeth.
Then, completely naked, she streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
Finally, the smiling Jean came through the exit door to the sounds of a cheering, clapping crowd.
“What happened?” asked Connie.
“I won $1,000 as 1st prize for ‘Best Dried Arrangement’!”

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets: The old man said: “I’ll tell you you a secret. I’ve been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers. I’ve been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!”

Everyone asked again:”But how come your wife’s very healthy as well?”

The old man answered: “I’ll tell you another secret: she’d been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!”

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN

The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.

In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.

In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.

And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.