11/08/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16591
Two guys are driving along in a car when they see two dogs mating in someone’s yard.
The driver says,
“That is great. My wife and I do that every night.”
The passenger replies,
“My wife is conservative, she likes it the old-fashioned way. But if you tell me how you get your wife to do this, I would like to try it.”
The driver says,
“Give your wife two drinks and she will be all set.”
The next morning they’re cruising along and the driver asks,
“How was it?”
The passenger answers,
“It was great, but it took my wife ten drinks.”
The driver looks at him funny and says,
“Ten drinks?”
The passenger says,
“Yes. After two she was more than willing to make love that way, but it took her eight more to get her out on the front lawn!”
11/07/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16588
After going through the line at a crowded mall cafeteria,
The three rambunctious teenage boys found they were forced to share a table with a kindly looking old lady.
One of the lads decided to have a bit of fun at the woman’s expense and, nudging one of his buddies under the table, suddenly remarked,
“Did your folks ever get married?”
“Nope,” replied his tablemate, picking up the put on.
“How about you?”
“They never bothered,” answered the first young man.
“That’s nothing,” interrupted the third,
“my mother doesn’t even know who my father is.”
The elderly woman looked up from her coffee and said sweetly.
“Excuse me, but would one of you little b@stards please pass the sugar?”
11/06/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16585
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
“One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,” said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.
Sure enough, he heard,
“One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ….”
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
“Come here quick,” said the boy,
“you won’t believe what I heard! The Devil and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”
The man said,
“Beat it, kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.” When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard,
“One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered,
“Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord…?”
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last, they heard,
“One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done.”
The old man beat the boy to the gate.
11/05/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16583
An elderly pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porn theater to see the adult movie.
With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog.
After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, “I’m only here to listen to the music.”
“Yeah?” replied the man. “We’re only here to see our dog.”
11/04/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16580
A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing.
The gorilla roared, “Who is the king of the jungle?”
And the deer replied, “Oh, you are, Master.”
The gorilla walked off pleased.
Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole.
The gorilla roared, “Who is the king of the jungle?” T
he zebra replied, “Oh, you are, Master.”
The gorilla walked off pleased.
Then he came across an elephant.
“Who is the king of the jungle?” he roared.
With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.
The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said,
“Okay, okay, there’s no need to get mad just because you don’t know the answer.”