06/26/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20717
A nun returns to the convent after a round of golf and speaks to her Mother Superior.
The nun says, “Mother Superior, I have to confess that today I took the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in vain.”
Mother Superior replies, “What happened, my child?”
The nun explains, “I was on target to break 80 for the first time. I just needed a par on the 18th. I hit a lovely drive right down the middle, but a gust of wind blew it into the rough.”
Mother Superior asks, “Oh no. Was that when you took the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in vain?”
The nun answers, “No, Mother Superior. I was able to control my frustration. Then I hit a great 8-iron to the middle of the green, but a squirrel grabbed my ball and dragged it into a bunker.”
Mother Superior reacts, “What bad luck, my child. Was that when you took the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in vain?”
The nun continues, “No, Mother Superior. Again, I controlled myself and hit a brilliant bunker shot to within 18 inches of the hole.”
Mother Superior snaps, “You missed the f*cking putt, didn’t you?”
06/25/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20714
A Pharaoh asks his three priests to build him a tomb.
Each priest consults three stonemasons.
Each stonemason hires three overseers.
Each overseer enlists three laborers.
Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me…
06/24/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20709
During recess at Maplewood School, three boys were gathered by the monkey bars, locked in a fierce debate not about superheroes or video games this time, but about whose dad was the tallest.
Tim puffed out his chest. “My dad is so tall, he doesn’t climb ladders. He just reaches up and changes the streetlight bulbs with his bare hands!”
Bob scoffed. “Please. My dad is so tall, when he stretches in the morning, birds land on his shoulders thinking he’s a tree.”
Little Johnny leaned against the slide, nibbling on a biscuit and listening patiently. Then he looked up at Bob and asked casually, “So when your dad stretches that high… does he ever touch the clouds?”
Bob grinned. “All the time! Says they feel soft, like cotton.”
Johnny nodded thoughtfully, then smirked.
“Yeah… that’s my father’s balls.”
06/23/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20706
A man entered the confessional and told the priest,
I almost had an affair with another woman
The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The man said, “Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped!” The priest said, “Rubbing against each other is like getting into each other. You’ll never see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box!”
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked toward the poor box. He paused for a moment, then began to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, ran to him and said, “I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”
The man replied, “Yes, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”
06/22/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20702
A day in the life of an IT guy.
Customer: “Hi, my computer isn’t working.”
IT Guy: “OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?”
Customer: “Nothing.”
IT Guy: “Can you check to see if it’s plugged into the outlet?”
Customer: “Uhhhh, I dunno. It’s pretty dark back there…”
IT Guy: “…Can you turn on a light?”
Customer: “Nope. The power’s out.”