Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Mr Horse has always wanted to play the guitar…

So he starts going for lessons and after a few months, he is quite good so he calls on his friend Mr Pig who plays the piano because he would like to start a band.

They write some songs and play at some venues but all the fans say that they need a vocalist to take their band to the next level.

So they ask their friend Mr chicken who has always been a great singer.

Soon they are getting large gigs at concerts and are world famous.

They have all the money they could wish for.

Sadly Mr chicken gets sick and the band is forced to break up.

A few weeks later Mr chicken passes away.

Mr pig is devastated and changes his name and goes completely off the grid.

Mr Horses parents also get into a large dispute and get a divorce.

Mr Horse now has no friends or family to go to.

He enters a downward spiral and turns to substance abuse.

Eventually he comes back to his senses and decides to put together the last of his money and go on one big solo tour around the world to show everyone that he still has his talent but the

tour fails and he loses his money.

He decides that he is going to drown out his sorrows in with alcohol.

Horse walks into a bar and the barman says

“why the long face?”

A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving to spend the holiday together.

The family gathers, but the couple’s children are late and the mother-in-law complains aloud:

“Ugh, your children, always late.”

Eventually, everyone comes and sits down to eat, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table and no one has the strength to argue with her.

After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain:

“Ugh, what’s with the food here, why is it always late?”

A few minutes later, the couple brings out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife.

Everyone eats and the evening continues.

While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says:

“Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time.”

A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and almost hitting her.

Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself:

“Ugh, this clock… always late.”

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says,

“Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says.

“I’m sick of her face, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says,

“Like hell, they’re getting divorced!” and calls her father immediately.

“You’re not getting divorced! Don’t do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don’t call a lawyer, don’t file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?”

and she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says

“Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.

An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.

Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle’s btt and asks, How high up are we?

the eagle replies.

“About 2,000 feet,” the eagle replies.

The mouse replies,

“You ain’t shtin’ me, are you?

A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.

On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over.

One of the bees says,

“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”

It works until they run out of gas again.

The second bee steps up and says,

“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”

It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.

This time the squirrel chimes in and says,

“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”

But the man says,

“Don’t bother, she only runs on BP.”