12/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17824
Jim has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress.
He quits his job and buys 50 acres of wilderness as far from humanity as possible.
Apart from the postman who calls once a week it’s total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door.
He opens it and there is a big, bearded islander standing there.
“My name’s MacDonald. I’m your neighbor and I’m having a party Saturday and thought you’d like to come.”
“Great,” says Jim, “after six months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As MacDonald is leaving he stops and turns,
” I gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin’”
“Not a problem… after 25 years in the computer business, I can do that with the best of them.” says Jim.
Again, as he starts to leave MacDonald stops and turns.
“More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’, too.”
“Damn,” thinks Jim, tough crowd.
“Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again McDonald turns from the door.
“I’ve seen some wild fun at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s not a problem”, says Jim,
“Remember I’ve been alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there … by the way, what should I wear to the party?”
MacDonald stops in the door again and says
“Whatever you want, it’s just gonna be the two of us”
12/04/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17819
Anna was 79 years old and lived on the third floor of a boarding house.
Despite her age, she was still a real pistol packin’ mama.
However, one day she fell and broke her leg.
An ambulance drove her to the hospital where a doctor put a cast on it.
When he was done, he warned her,
“Now don’t be walking up or down any stairs, okay?”
Anna nodded, and thought that this sounded reasonable.
A few weeks later, the doctor took off the cast.
“So, can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.
“Yes,” he replied.
“Thank goodness!” she said.
“I’m sick and tired of climbing up and down that drainpipe!”
12/03/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17816
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says,
“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbour asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The little silver-haired lady says,
“According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.
He takes her hand and says,
“Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,”
he said with a deep sigh ………… (scroll down)
“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”
12/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17813
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don’t like each other.
One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female.
Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear’s second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well.
Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear’s final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says,
“I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rides off.
12/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17808
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
“Purebred Police Dog $25.”
Thinking that it to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad,
“How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”
“Don’t let his looks deceive you, ma’am,” the man replied,
“He’s in the Secret Service.”