Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation.

“It’s terrible,” she said to the doctor.

“I haven’t moved my bowels in more than a week.”

“I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.

“Oh, yes,” Aunt Cora replied,

“I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night.”

“No,” the doctor said,

“I mean do you take anything?”

“Of course I do.” she answered,

“I take a magazine.”

A wise old man was sitting at the river bank.

He saw a cat that had fallen into the river struggling to save itself from drowning.

The man decided to save the cat.

He stretched out his hand towards the cat but the cat scratched him.

He pulled his hand back in pain.

However, a few minutes later he stretched out his hand again to save the cat, but it scratched him again, and again he pulled his hand back in pain.

A few minutes later he was again trying for the third time!

A man, who was nearby watching what was happening, yelled out,

“O wise man, you have not learned your lesson the first time, nor the second time, and now you are trying to save the cat a third time?”

The wise man paid no heed to that man’s scolding and kept on trying until he managed to save the cat.

He then walked over to the man and patted his shoulder saying:

“My son It is in the cat’s nature to scratch, and it is in my nature to love and have sympathy.

Why do you want me to let the cat’s nature overcome mine?

“My son, treat people according to your nature, not according to theirs, no matter what they are like and no matter how numerous their actions that

harm you and cause you pain sometimes. And do not pay heed to all the voices that loudly call out to you to leave behind your good qualities merely

because the other party is not deserving of your noble actions.

So never regret the moments you gave happiness to someone, even if that person did not deserve it.

Jesus treats us according to His nature, just think where we would be if He were to treat us as per our nature.

That is why He saves us in spite of ourselves.

One day, Marie sent her little boy Johnny down to the pond to get some water for cooking dinner.

As he was dipping the bucket in the water,

he saw two big eyes looking back at him from the water.

He dropped the bucket and hightailed it back to the kitchen.

“Now, where’s my bucket and my water?” Marie asked him.

“I can’t get any water from that pond, Momma” cried Johnny.

“There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down dere!”

“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, johnny. He’s been there for a few years now, and he ain’t never hurt nobody. Cher, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”

“Well, Momma,” replied Johnny,

” if he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then dat water ain’t fit to drink!”

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long train journey.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.

“I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00,” he says.

This catches the senior’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

“What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?”

The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer,

“What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.

After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00.

The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.

He wakes the senior up and asks,

“Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”

The senior reaches into his pocket hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep.

Age will overcome youth and technology anytime.

A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in between them.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he’s allowed on the plane.

The second man explains that he’s a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.

His name is Sniffer, and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work.”

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says

“Watch this. He tells Sniffer to ‘search’”.

Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent’s arm.

The agent says, “Good boy”, and he turns to the man and says:

“That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.”

“Say, that’s pretty neat.” replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent’s arm.

The agent says, “That man is carrying coc@@@@@@ine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police.”

“I like it!” says his seatmate.

The agent then tells Sniffer to “search” again.

Sniffer walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment, and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to poop all

over the place.

The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent,

“What’s going on?”

The agent nervously replies,

“He just found a b000000m####!”