04/23/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18325
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend.
“It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed.
“But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?”
“Well,” the husband said,
“we changed our plans because, uh…”
His wife cut in,
“Oh, tell the truth, Fred!”
He fell silent, and she continued,
“You know, it’s just ridiculous. Fred simply will NOT ask for directions.”
04/22/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18321
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked,
“Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Thomas replied,
“Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says,
“I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says,
“Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers,
“Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Thomas replied,
“My father doesn’t like her.”
04/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18319
A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill.
The young boy says: “I’ll be darned.”
A local pastor heard him and said:
You should not say that.
Next time your wheel falls off say:
‘Praise the Lord.’”
So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down the hill.
The young boy says:
“Praise the Lord.”
The wheel stops rolling, turns around, roIIs back up the hill and puts itself back on the wagon.
The young boy being very surprised by this exclaims:
“I’ll be darned!”
04/20/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18315
A wife asks her programmer husband to go to the store
‘Can you go down to the store, and get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.’
Later on, he returns home and she looks at his purchases and says
‘ Why do you have 6 gallons of milk?’
He responded
‘They had eggs.’
04/19/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18312
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine.
He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this.”
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic.
Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem.
“I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst,” the bartender said.
“My Brother and my Wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they get.”
The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.
The bartender smiled, knowing he’d done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back.
“Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.
“I certainly did,” the man said.
“I’ve been seeing the Psychoanalyst twice a week.”
He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel.
“The Doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good.” He sputtered.
“On the contrary,” the man claimed, “he’s done me a world of good.”
“But you threw the wine in my face again!” The bartender exclaimed.
“Yes.” The man replied.
“But it doesn’t embarrass me any- more!”