05/07/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18371
A man walks out onto a busy New York City street and happens to catch a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabby says,
“Wow, perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
The passenger looks confused, and asks,
“Who..??”
The cabby says, “Frank Feldman..!!”
He explains,
“He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like when I came along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman – every single time.”
The passenger remarked,
“There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
“Not Frank Feldman.” The cabby said with gusto.
He clarified,
“ Frank Feldmans was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and
you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
The passenger said,
“Sounds like he was really something special.”
The cabby replied,
“There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.”
The cabby kept going,
“He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman – he could do everything right.”
The passenger was amazed, “Wow, what a guy!”
The cabby continued,
“He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank never made a mistake, and he really knew how to
treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.”
The cabby concluded:
“He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “How did you meet him?”
𝐂𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲: “𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤. 𝐇𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞.”
05/06/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18366
A Football team was on the field during practice,
when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout.
“Are you crazy,” hollered the coach,
“we don’t give tryouts to turkeys.”
Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.
“That was amazing,” exclaimed the coach.
“I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?”
“Don’t worry about money,” said the turkey,
“let me just ask you something, does the season go PAST Thanksgiving?”
05/05/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18363
A wife was frying some eggs one morning when suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
He shouted,
“Careful, Careful! Put some more butter in! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Tum them now! We need more butter. They’re
going to stick! Careful. I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking. Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget. Use the salt. THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him in amazement, “What is wrong with you? I know how to fry a couple of eggs.”
The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
05/04/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18359
A burglar is stalking stealthily around the living room of the house he’s just broken into.
He jumps with fright when he suddenly hears a voice behind him saying
“Crook, beware, Jesus, watches you”
He turns around, swings the beam of his flashlight into the direction the voice comes from and sees what indeed the voice had made him think once he was over his first fright: a parrot.
The bird repeats
“Crook, beware, Jesus watches you”The burglar walks up to the cage and asks “And what may your name be? The parrot answers “Coco.”
The burglar sniggers and says
“I’ve always found that a very stupid name for a parrot.”
The parrot answers
“Maybe, but not half as silly as Jesus for a Doberman.
05/03/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18356
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are living in Florida and are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.
Jacob suggests that they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
“Are you the owner”?
The Pharmacist answers, “Yes”.
Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication”?
Pharmacist: “Of course we do”.
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation”?
Pharmacist: “All kinds”.
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism”?
Pharmacist: “Definitely”.
Jacob: “How about suppositories”?
Pharmacist: “You bet!”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s”?
Pharmacist: “Yes. a large variety; the works”.
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease”?
Pharmacist: “Absolutely”.
Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion”?
Pharmacist: “We sure do”.
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes”?
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes”.
Jacob: ” Senior Citizen diapers?
Pharmacist: “Sure”.
Jacob: “We’d like to use this store for our Bridal Registry”.