Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A minister’s wife was expecting their first child, so the minister approached the congregation and requested a raise. After some discussion, the church agreed on a policy: whenever the minister’s family grew, his salary would increase as well.

After five or six children, the arrangement became quite costly. The congregation called another meeting to revisit the minister’s pay.

As you might expect, the room filled with arguments and raised voices. At last, the minister stood and addressed the crowd.

“Having children is an act of God,” he declared.

From the back of the room, a small elderly man with a long white beard slowly stood up and said in a shaky voice, “Snow and rain are acts of God too but when we get too much of them, we put on rubbers.”

A man’s wife sends him out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store, it’s closed, so he heads to a nearby bar to use the cigarette vending machine. While there, he strikes up a

conversation with a beautiful woman. A couple of beers later, one thing leads to another, and they end up back at her apartment.

Afterward, he looks at the clock. It’s 3 a.m.

“Oh no,” he says. “My wife is going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?”

She gives him some, and he rubs it all over his hands before heading home.

His wife is waiting at the door, furious.
“Where on earth have you been?”

“Well,” he says, “I went to the store like you asked, but it was closed. So I went to the bar for the vending machine, met a woman, had a few drinks, and ended up in bed with her.”

“Oh yeah?” she snaps. “Let me see your hands.”

She looks at his powder-covered hands and shouts,

“You liar! You went bowling again!”

One warm summer evening, I was driving home with my three young children packed into the back seat, the windows down and the radio playing softly. Traffic was

light, the sky was glowing, and everything felt calm and ordinary.

As we rolled along, a bright convertible pulled up ahead of us at the lights. Just as they turned green, the woman in the front seat suddenly stood up and began waving

enthusiastically at the cars behind her.

That’s when I realised, to my complete disbelief, that she was absolutely naked.

I nearly swerved from the shock, my brain scrambling to process what I was seeing while desperately hoping the kids hadn’t noticed. The car went silent for a brief,

terrifying moment.

Then, from the back seat, my five-year-old broke the silence and shouted,

“Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”

Four women share the same birthday and make it a tradition to celebrate together every decade.

When they turn 40, they choose the Lakeview Restaurant because the waiters are handsome and wear tight pants.

At 50, they go back because the prices are fair and the wine list is excellent.

At 60, they return because it’s quiet and offers a beautiful view.

At 70, they choose it because it’s wheelchair-friendly.

At 80, they go because none of them has ever been there before.

An elderly man has been struggling with impotence and can’t satisfy his wife. He’s tried everything—pills, oils, supplements—anything he could find. He searched online, consulted countless so-called experts, but nothing helped.

Frustrated, he confides in a close friend. The friend says, “I know a witch doctor who has a remedy. Go see her—she might be able to help.”

The old man visits the witch doctor and explains his situation.

“I have exactly what you need,” she says, handing him a potion. “Drink this. When the moment comes, say ‘one, two, three,’ and your problem will be solved. When you’re finished, your partner must say ‘one, two, three, four,’ and it will all end. You may only use this potion once every full moon.”

Thrilled, the man rushes home.

That night, as things begin to heat up, he turns to his wife and confidently says, “one, two, three.” Instantly, he’s as firm as he was at eighteen. He turns toward her, ready to go.

His wife stares at him in amazement and says, “Wow, that looks impressive—but why did you say ‘one, two, three’?”