Jokes Library

A little old man told his wife,

“I have to go to my doctor’s appointment now. I’ll see you later.”

After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television.

A news report came on that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction.

Knowing that that was the route he would be on, she called to warn him,

“Honey, there’s a car going in the wrong direction!”

The husband replied,

“They’re all going in the wrong direction!”

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer.

He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought.

Turns out that his next-door neighbour was also a chicken farmer.

The neighbor came for a visit one day and said,

“Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens.”

The new chicken farmer was thrilled.

Two weeks later the new neighbour stopped by to see how things were going.

The new farmer said, “Not too good. All 100 chickens died.”

The neighbor said, “Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more.”

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again.

The new farmer says, “You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too.”

Astounded, the neighbor asked, “what went wrong? What did you do to them?”

Well, says the new farmer,

“I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or not far apart enough.”

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,

so one night he took her along with him.

“What will you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I dont know.

The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniels and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, thats TERRIBLE!” she spluttered.

“I dont know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.

“And you think Im out enjoying myself every night!”

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV.

The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks,

“What are you staring at?”

“A spider,” he replies.

“I don’t see anything,” she says.

“Oh, it must have fallen on your head,” he said calmly.

The wife jumps up screaming…

The man says,

“While you’re up, can you get me another beer?”

Two men at a bus stop started a conversation.

One of them keeps complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man says,

“You think you have family problems?”

Listen to my situation..

” A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married.

Later, my dad married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my step-mom and my dad became my stepson-in-law. Also, my wife became

mom-in-law to her dad-in-law.

Then my wife’s daughter, my stepmom, had a son. This boy was my half-brother ’cause he was my dad’s son, but he was also the son of my wife’s

daughter, which made him my wife’s grandson.

That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son.

Now, the half-sister of my son, my stepmom, is also the grandmom. My dad is the bro-in-law of my child, who is the stepbrother of my dad’s wife! “

AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE FAMILY PROBLEMS?”

The other guy fainted…