Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men.

They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer,

“Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.”

He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees.

Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.

As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.”

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”

Johnny says, “None.”

The teacher asks, “Why?”

Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.”

The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”

Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”

The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

They have just lost their bull.

The women need to buy another, but only have $500.

The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount.

If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499.

Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word.

She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.

Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.”

Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?”

The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.'”