Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A farmer and his brand new wife were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, “That’s once.” A little farther down the road the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, “That’s twice.” A little while later the horse stumbled yet again. The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand-new wife yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.” The farmer responded, “That’s once.” 

A man bought several acres of wasteland and, within a year had turned it into a thriving produce farm. The local priest stopped by and complimented the man on his progress. Then he added, “Wonderous things can surely happen when man and God work together.” “Amen,” said the man, “but you should’ve seen the place when God was running it alone.”

grasshopper hops into a bar orders his drink bartender says hey!did you know they named a drink after you . grasshopper says really they have a drink named roger!

A farmer in Alabama was driving across a bridge in his pickup truck when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below.

The farmer stopped his truck, ran up to the man and said, “Hey, why are you doing this?” The man replied, “Well, I have nothing to live for.” The farmer replied, “Well, think of your wife and children!” The jumper replied, “I have no wife or children.”

“Well, then think of your mother and father!” The man replied, “Mom and Dad passed on many years back.” The Alabama man then said, “Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!”

The would-be jumper replied, “Who?” With that the farmer said, “Jump you damn Yankee, jump!”

New medical students were made to take an extremely difficult class in physics. One day the lecturer was discussing a particularly difficult concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we need to learn this stuff?” “To save lives,” the lecturer responded quickly and continued. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It keeps idiots like you from graduating,” replied the lecturer.