Daily Joke: Jokes Library

how can you tell .when a woman its pregnant by a black man????       A._ when she pull out her tampon and the cotton its gone

Three American blondes were lost in Vietnam(during the war),they had no water no food for days.
While walking they met Aladdin Genie,and he says:”I’ll give each one of you two wishes”

The 1st. says:”I want u to bring me one “diet cola” and to send me back to my family cuz I miss them soooo much and so she was back to the states happily.

The 2nd says “I want u to send me back to my boy friend and to give me 50$ so I can buy him a present and so she was back to the states kissing her man cheerfully.

The 3rd was like heeeeeey you think you’re smart ha. trying to send my friends away from me so I’ll be all alone, bring them back right now.

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, “,Daddy, what is sex?”,

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the ‘birds and the bees’. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, “,Why did you ask this question?”,

The little girl replied, “Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”

Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.”

The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 2013. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”

Jon says, “Well, shit, Doc, I couldn’t pick ‘em up.”

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. “Now class, I’m going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I’m talking about.” “Ok, first it’s round, plumb and red.” Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered “An apple.” “No Deborah, it’s a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It’s soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish. Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. “Is it a peach?” “No, Billy, I’m afraid it’s a potato. But I like your thinking. Here’s another: it’s long, yellow, and fairly hard.”

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically… the teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.. “A banana,” she says.. “No,” the teacher replies, “it’s a squash, but I like your thinking.” Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. “Hey, I’ve got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Ok, I’ve got it: it’s round, hard, and it got a head on it.” “Johnny!” she cries. “That’s disgusting!” Nope,” answers Johnny, “it’s a quarter, but I like your thinking!