Daily Joke: Jokes Library

4 guys are driving cross-country together — one from Idaho, one from Nebraska, one from Florida, and the last one is from New York. A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts topull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window.

The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, “What the hell are you doing?”

The man from Idaho says, “Man, we have so many of these damned things in Idaho they’re laying around on the ground-I’m sick of looking at them!”

A few miles down the road, the man from Nebraska begins pulling husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window.

The man from Florida asks “What are you doing that for?” The Nebraskan replies,

“Man, we have so many of these damned things in Nebraska I’m sick of looking at them!”

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out.

Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
“Excuse me?” the accountant said.
“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”
“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”
“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”
“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed.
“How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”
“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door only to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started moving slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way.

Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn’t drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, and one said to the other. “Look, that’s the character who climbed into our car while we were pushing!”

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

Every Friday night, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the donation box at church. This went on for weeks until the Priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her.

“Mrs. Bradley, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the donation box,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need I give to the church.”

“That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”

“Oh, $2,000 a week.”

“Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?”

“I believe he is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?”

“Well, he has one cat house in Chicago, and another in Dallas…”