Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Three football teams (Arsnel, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive.

After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it.

The Liverpool team says, “Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver.”

The Hartsfield players decide, “Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart.”

Arsnel says, “I think we might go hungry…”

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, -“Daddy’s private part connects with Mommy’s that’s how you get a baby, honey.”

The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s private part connect in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game.

Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

“I think so, too,” said Mabel.

“Let’s go!”

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse.

They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed.

Then came the second half.

When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

“I guess we can go home now, Mabel,” she said. “This is where we came in.”

Three doctors are out geese-hunting.

A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun.

“I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese.”

Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it.

“I’ll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first.”

Some more geese fly over.

The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky.

“What were those things, anyway?” he asks.

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot.

Not knowing what to do, she called 911. “You gotta help me find my parrot!”

The operator patiently replied, “We can’t help you with that, ma’am. This number only deals with emergencies.”

But the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days.

Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, “But you don’t understand! The only thing he says is, ‘Here, kitty, kitty!!!’”