Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, “I won a motor home! I won a motor home!”

The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stereo system!”

The blonde replies, “No. I won a motor home!”

By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, “You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as one of our prizes.”

Again the blonde says, “There is no mistake! I won a motor home!”

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL.”

To celebrate 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a weekend at St. Andrews. On the third tee, the husband you, “Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can forgive me.”

His wife was hurt but said, “Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you.” They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband, “Darling, since we’re being honest with each other, I have something to tell you. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation, I was a man before we met.”

The husband threw a fit! He cursed, threw his driver away, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted,”You liar, you despicable cheat! How could you? I trusted you, and you have been playing off from the ladies’ tee all these years!”

A drunk is walking along and smacks into a tree. He backs up a few paces, and walks into the tree again. He does it again. He mumbles, “This is great. I was supposed to be home hours ago, and now here I am lost in the forest.”

My husband and I are both in an Internet business, but he’s the one who truly lives, eat, and breathes computers.

I finally realized how bad it had gotten when I was scratching his back one day.

“No, not there,” he directed. “Scroll down.”

I had just moved from an apartment to a house in the same small town. One day at the grocery store, I used the last of my personalized checks bearing my old address. The cashier examined the document and asked if everything on it was correct. I assured her that it was, and she started to put the check in the cash drawer. But then she inquired again if everything was accurate.

“Why do you ask?” I responded.

“Because,” she replied, “my husband and I moved to this apartment yesterday, and I don’t remember seeing you at breakfast.”