Daily Joke: Jokes Library

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”

“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”

He yelled back, “Just do it!!”

A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached, some planetarium directors in Southern California sent out warnings to the community about the eclipse. They warned people not to look directly into the sun.

The planetarium received an indignant letter from a local resident. She said that if an eclipse was so dangerous, they never should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.

Two blondes stopped in their car to let a funeral pass by.

“Who died?” the first blonde asked.

“I think it was the person in the casket.” replied the second blonde.

Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. . .

“Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.

Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . .

“Good morning, Mr. Williams…. Just called to say that I don’t *have* a dog.”

It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: “Ames” “Here!” “Jenson” “Here!” “Jones” “Here!” “Magersky” “Here!” “Seeback”

No answer.

“Seeback!”

No answer was heard again.

“SEEBACK!!!” The troops remained totally silent.

At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant’s ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.