Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids….”

A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk looks back and says, “Yess, Preacher..I sure am.”

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked.

“Nooo, I haven’t!” said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”

“Noooo, I have not Reverend.”

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?”

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher…

“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, ”You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog says, ”This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”

”No,” says the psychic. ”Next semester in her biology class.”

An old man was laying on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled chocolate chip cookies.

He loved chocolate chip cookies more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, and to the stairs. Then down the stairs and into the kitchen.

There his wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. As he reached for one, he got SMACKED across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding.

“Leave them alone!” she said, “They’re for the funeral!”

Two old friends met one day after many years. One attended college, and now was very successful. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition.

The successful one said, “How has everything been going with you?”

“Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. So, I invested in gold and those mines really produced. Now, I’m as rich as Bill Gates.”

The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, “Chapter Eleven.”