Daily Joke: Jokes Library

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Flowers.” “That’s right,” the boy said, but how did you know “Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.” “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. “Is it champagne?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?” With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!” SURPRISE!

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and asked, “Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?”

The man said, “Well officer I don’t have a license, it was taken away for a DUI.”

The officer, in surprise, said,” What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?”

So the man replied, “No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.”

The officer stepped back, “There is a gun in the glove box?!?”

The man sighed and said, “Yes sir, I used it to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk.”

The officer steps toward the back of the car and says,” Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.” The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration.

The man said,” Yes officer here it’s right here.” It all checked out so the officer said,” Is there a gun in the glove box sir?”

The man laughs and says,” No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box.” He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun.

The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body.

The second officer says, “Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.”

The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah and I’ll bet he said I was speeding too.”

A new business is open and one of the owner’s friends wants to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrive at the business site and the owner reads the card: “Rest in Peace.”

Understandably the owner is angry and calls the florist to complain. After he tells the florist the obvious mistake and how angry he is, the florist replies, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a card saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.’”

Mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.

“See?” says the mother mouse to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language”.

The two inventors of the bungee rope went to Spain to test their invention. They built a 50-foot tower and, once completed, one of the guys stood on the edge of the platform and dove into the air with the rope tied to his feet.

The other guy, standing up on the platform, waited until his friend returned up so that he could grab him. The first time his friend sprung up, he tried to grab him but missed and noticed that his head was swollen. The next time, he missed again and again there was a bruise on his head and face.

This time, with much concern, he dove forward to get his partner, pulled him in and asked, “What happened? Is the cord too long?”

His partner replied with his face all bloody, “What is piñata?”