Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A woman asking people questions for her company’s survey walked up to a man and asked if he would be willing to participate. He said, “Sure”.

She asked him to name something expensive that he wished he had never bought.

The man answered, “My wedding ring.”

A famous doctor was being interviewed by the news media. Looking to spice things up a little, one reporter asked if the doctor had ever made any serious mistakes.

“Well, yes,” the doctor sighed. “I once cured a multimillionaire.”

“How was that a mistake? The reporter asked.

The doctor shook his head wearily. “I did it in one visit!”

The CEO of a major corporation asked his press officer to write a twenty-minute speech for the shareholders meeting. Upon his return from the meeting he is furious at the press officer.

“Are you trying to kill my career?” the executive barks. I asked for a twenty-minute speech and you give me an hour-long speech. People were standing up and walking out.”

“No,” says the press officer, “I gave you exactly what you requested…. a twenty-minute speech and two extra copies.”

A passenger was having difficulty lugging his oversized travel bag onto the plain. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.

“Do you always carry such heavy luggage? She asked, winded.

“Never again!” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my friend can buy the ticket!”

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.