Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification re-enforcers”.

Alarm that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire,

“What on earth are behavior modification re-enforcers?”

“Lollipops,” was the reply.

As a Speech therapist, I was working with a preschooler on body part identification and the ‘k’ sound. To that end, I had him use Play-Doh to make a sculpture of me.

“Is that my neck?” I asked, trying to get him to repeat the word.

“No, that’s your chin,” he said.

He added more Play-Doh. “Is that my neck?” I asked.

“No, that’s your other chin.”

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, “Well, I’ll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!”

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” replied the clerk. “With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you’ll be home in no time.”

A man went camping in a state park. Before leaving his car to go hiking he left a note on the dashboard saying, “The stereo is broke.”

He did this to deter thieves from breaking into his older model car. When returning from his hike the man noticed his car window was broken and the stereo was cut from the dashboard.

A note was left by the thief saying, “We’ll fix it.”

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter son?” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “it’s my marks. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean, ‘all wet’?” she asks.

“I mean,” he replied, “well below C-level.”