07/10/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20817
A farmer has been farting a lot.
He’s been to several doctors, but none of them know what’s wrong. Desperate, he reaches out to the local priest.
He says, “Father, I don’t believe in this religious mumbo jumbo, but I’m out of options. My wife is threatening to leave!
What can God do for me?”
The pastor says, “My son, you must give everything to God. In doing so, all shall be well.”
So the farmer leaves. Soon, though, he starts coming to church every single day at 6 pm. At first the pastor is pleased. But week by week, his congregation thins.
Within a month, the farmer is the only one left in attendance. Confused, the pastor approaches him and asks, “Well my child, did God help your flatulence issues?”
And the farmer says, “He did father. I used to just fart whenever I needed to. But now, I wait until 6, and give all I’ve got to God!”
07/09/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20814
Our teacher asked us to share our favorite animal, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She didn’t think it was funny, but clearly others disagreed because the whole class laughed. My parents always taught me to tell the truth, and I was being honest—fried chicken really is my favorite animal.
When I told my dad what happened, he guessed my teacher might be part of PETA. He said they really care about animals. I told him I do too—especially when they’re chicken, pork, or beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I explained what happened, and he laughed. Then he told me not to say things like that again.
The next day, the teacher asked what my favorite live animal was. I said “chicken.” She asked why, and I told her, “Because they can become fried chicken.” Off I went to the principal’s office again. He laughed once more and reminded me to be careful with my answers.
I’m confused. I was taught to be truthful, but my teacher doesn’t seem to like it when I am.
Today, she asked us which famous person we admire most.
I said, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where I am now…
07/08/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20811
An old lighthouse keeper was nearing retirement and decided to hire a younger man to take over for him when the time came.
He invited the young man for a tour of the structure, a tall building sitting on an isolated island miles away from shore. The voyage to the lighthouse was a rough one with high waves and heavy rain making the voyage difficult.
Eventually, the young man safely made it to the island and the two men commenced the tour, going around the island and its sights.
They made their way to the lighthouse afterward as the old man demonstrated the inner workings of the structure before climbing up to the large lantern itself.
“…and that is the gist of it,” the keeper said, having finished the tour. “Any questions?”
“I do have one,” the young man replied. “Are the waters here usually this choppy? I’m just concerned about supplies and keeping food and bulbs stocked.”
“Ah, yes, you would be right to be concerned,” the keeper replied. “These are not friendly waters, and you may have to wait days, if not weeks, for any vessels to reach the island. Of course, there is a trick to getting more supplies.”
“And that is?” the young man asked.
“Just turn off the lantern.”
07/07/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20805
A couple wins a contest to be on the first civilian spaceship to colonize Mars. After months of travel, they finally arrive and are greeted by the Martian AI administrator who says, “Welcome to New Mars Colony! Any questions before you settle in?”
The man says, “Yeah, my girlfriend and I were hoping to get married now that we’ve started a new life here. Is that possible on Mars?”
The AI says, “That is a complex inquiry. Please hold while I consult the interplanetary protocol database.”
Weeks go by. The couple plants potatoes, builds a dome, and argues about oxygen bills. Finally, after 42 Martian days, the AI returns and says, “Good news. Yes, Martian marriages are now authorized by Earth-Mars Treaty 7. You may proceed.”
The couple looks at each other and says, “Okay… but what if it doesn’t work out? Can we get a Martian divorce?”
The AI sighs and says, “It took 6 weeks to get approval for one wedding. Do you know how long it’ll take me to locate a Martian divorce lawyer? Earth still hasn’t sent any—they’re all too busy billing by the minute!”
07/06/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20802
A man wakes up one morning and farts. It sounds like “Honda!”
This puzzles him, so he does it again. “Honda!”
He makes an appointment with his doctor to get that checked out.
When he demonstrates for the doctor (Honda!), the doctor says, “Don’t worry; I’ve seen this before. Go down the hall, three doors to the left, and see the dentist.”
“Dentist!” says the man. “This has nothing to do with my teeth!”
The doctor says, ” Trust me; I’ve seen this before.” So the man goes down the hall and demonstrates for the dentist: (Honda!)
The dentist says that he’s seen this before and asks him to sit in the chair.
He pulls a rotten tooth and shows it to the man. “Look, this tooth was rotten.” The man farts again and it sounds perfectly normal!
He says, “This is insane. How do you explain this?”
The dentist looks him straight in the eye and tells him, “Abscess makes the fart go Honda.”