10/17/2018 from Daily Jokes
#12010
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and
continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
10/16/2018 from Daily Jokes
#12005
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old time’s sake.
He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age.
After a couple of minutes, he asks, “How am I doing?”
The prostitute replies, “Well sailor, you’re doing about three knots.”
“Three knots?” He asks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She says, “You’re knot hard, you’re knot in and you’re knot getting your money back.”
10/15/2018 from Daily Jokes
#12002
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.
She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor immediately saw a problem with this, and began to protest:
“Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”
10/14/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11999
Bill and Marla thought that they had discovered a genius way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 12-year-old son in the apartment.
He was promptly sent out on the balcony and told to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said.
“An ambulance just drove by.” A few moments passed.
“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.
“Matt’s riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex.”
Mom and Dad shot up in bed.
“How do you know that?” the startled father asked.
“Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied.
10/13/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11997
Jokes are great, but there’s nothing like remembering a few hilarious one liners to liven up any conversation!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !
What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
Humphreys
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH!
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer
What is invisable and smells like carrots?
A Rabbit’s flatulance.
What is a dogs favourite school subject?
“Dog-Ruff-E ”
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMn!
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.
Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick