07/06/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20802
A man wakes up one morning and farts. It sounds like “Honda!”
This puzzles him, so he does it again. “Honda!”
He makes an appointment with his doctor to get that checked out.
When he demonstrates for the doctor (Honda!), the doctor says, “Don’t worry; I’ve seen this before. Go down the hall, three doors to the left, and see the dentist.”
“Dentist!” says the man. “This has nothing to do with my teeth!”
The doctor says, ” Trust me; I’ve seen this before.” So the man goes down the hall and demonstrates for the dentist: (Honda!)
The dentist says that he’s seen this before and asks him to sit in the chair.
He pulls a rotten tooth and shows it to the man. “Look, this tooth was rotten.” The man farts again and it sounds perfectly normal!
He says, “This is insane. How do you explain this?”
The dentist looks him straight in the eye and tells him, “Abscess makes the fart go Honda.”
07/05/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20799
It was a quiet afternoon at Miller’s Corner Store when the bell above the door chimed softly. In walked Mr. Thompson, a well-known figure in town. Though he couldn’t see, his cane tapped rhythmically against the tiled floor as he made his way confidently through the aisles.
Mr. Thompson had been blind since birth, but that never stopped him from living life on his own terms. He knew every street, every shop, and every shortcut like the back of his hand. And most importantly, he had a sharp mind and an even sharper sense of humor.
Today, he had come in for something simple just one cold beer to enjoy on his porch.
He made his way to the counter and politely said, “Good afternoon. I’d like to buy a beer, please.”
The saleswoman behind the counter, a young woman named Lisa, grabbed a bottle from the fridge and handed it over.
“That’ll be $5,” she said casually.
“Alright,” Mr. Thompson replied. From his pocket, he pulled out two bills—a $5 and a $50—and held them between his fingers. Then came the question that would set everything in motion.
“Now, which one is the $5 bill?” he asked calmly.
Lisa blinked. She looked around, as if checking whether anyone else had heard that. No one was watching. The store was empty except for them.
She saw an opportunity.
Without hesitation, she reached out and gently touched his hand holding the $50 bill.
“This one,” she said smoothly.
Mr. Thompson smiled slightly, as if he had expected exactly that. Then, without missing a beat, he raised his other hand—the one still holding the real $5 bill—and placed it flat on the counter.
“Well then,” he said, still smiling, “I guess I’m going to buy 10 beers.”
07/04/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20794
On July 20th, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” were heard by millions of people around the world.
But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: “good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but he just brushed them off by smiling.
On July 5th, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question. That time, he finally responded.
Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938, when he was a kid in a small Midwestern town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, the young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
“Sex? You want sex?! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”
07/03/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20782
A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill.
After some thought, he made a sign that read, “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH CYANIDE!”
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
A week later, the farmer was surveying his field. To his satisfaction, no watermelons were missing, but a sign next to his read, “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”
07/02/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20777
The fluorescent lights hummed overhead as I rolled my cart up to the checkout counter. The grocery store boy, barely older than seventeen with a name tag that read Derek , smiled sleepily and scanned my items.
“Paper or plastic?” he asked, like it was a question he’d asked a thousand times before lunch.
I shrugged. “You pick. Doesn’t matter to me.”
He blinked. “Uh… really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. You know what’s better. Go ahead.”
For a moment, Derek looked like someone had handed him a million dollars and told him it was legal tender. His eyes lit up behind his glasses. Then, just as quickly, his face fell.
“I can’t,” he said quietly, almost mournfully.
“What do you mean, you can’t?”
“It’s against policy.” He gestured toward a laminated sign taped to the conveyor belt: Customers must choose bag type. “If I assume your preference, I could get written up. Baggers can’t be choosers.”