Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly wealthy man walks into a bank New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He says he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan,
so the elderly man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million dollars.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says the man,
“and I have all the necessary papers.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

After the old man leaves, the loan officer, the bank’s president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a $250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the elderly wealthy man man returns, repays the $5000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says,
“Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The old man replies,
“Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?”

An elderly Couple were entertaining an equally elderly couple at home.

The two women were in the kitchen clearing away the dishes, while the two men were having a chat in the lounge.

George (The Host): ” We found this really great restaurant the other night: the food and service was superb”.

Bill ( the guest) ” Oh really what one was that?”

George: “Oh it was the err, hmm I’m damned if I can remember now: oh I know, what’s the flower, often red: you’d give it to someone you love?

Bill: “I think you mean a rose”.

George: Yes, that’s it ( turning to the kitchen he shouts)

“Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to?”.

Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where the conversation turned to the subject of marriage.

Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.

Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.

During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.

Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted:

“Well, don’t you have something to ask me?”

Dave then got down on bended knee.

“Honey,” he said, “Will you buy me a new computer?”

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

So he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey.

It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded,

“Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

The ninety-five-year-old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members.

“How are you feeling?” the visitor asked.

“Oh,” said the lady,

“I’m just worried sick!”

“What are you worried about, dear?” her friend asked.

“You look like you are in good health. They are taking care of yourself, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are taking very good care of me.”

“Well, what are you worried about?” her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry.

“Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I am afraid they are all wondering where I went!”