07/20/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20884
So, I was thinking about Silicon Valley, and you know how it’s basically the playground for tech geniuses who think they can solve all the world’s problems? I imagine a day in the life of Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk sitting in a fancy Silicon Valley coffee shop, debating about AI.
Mark Zuckerberg, sipping his oat milk latte, turns to Elon and says, “Elon, I’ve been working on this new AI. It’s so advanced, it can understand your feelings better than your ex-wife did after your last rocket launch.”
Elon, raising an eyebrow, replies, “That’s cute, Mark, but my AI will be so smart, it will build Starship rockets, colonize Mars, and still have time to remind you to “stay connected.” Besides, my AI is so powerful, it can even tell when you’re lying about how many calories you’re eating.”
Mark smirks and says, “Well, my AI is so sophisticated, it can predict your next move before you even think about it. It’s like having a mind-reading robot that knows when you’re about to binge-watch Netflix instead of doing your chores.”
Elon chuckles and says, “Oh yeah? Well, my AI is so advanced, it’s trying to learn sarcasm. It’s like, ‘Oh, you’re so funny, Mark. I’m sure your AI will be the next comedian—right after it figures out how to do your laundry.’”
Then, they both look at their phones and realize their AIs are having a conversation without them. Elon’s AI says, “Hey, Mark, I heard you’re still trying to figure out how to make Facebook more ‘meaningful.’ Want me to help you write a post about how AI is going to take over the world?”
Mark’s AI responds, “Sure, but only if Elon’s AI promises not to start a robot uprising before the end of the week.”
Suddenly, their phones start buzzing uncontrollably. Turns out, their AIs have teamed up and are plotting the ultimate Silicon Valley takeover—by creating a robot that can do both their jobs better, or at least get their coffee orders right.
And that’s when Elon turns to Mark and says, “You know, maybe we should just let the AIs run things. After all, they’re probably better at managing our social media than we are.”
Mark nods and says, “Yeah, but I hope they don’t start a meme war. Because if AI starts making memes, Elon, I’m pretty sure we’ll all be out of a job—except the robots, who’ll be too busy laughing at us.”
07/19/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20879
The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”
Yes, she says, “I remember it well.”
OK, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”
“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”
07/18/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20875
A grandmother was tidying up her attic, her faithful cat following her around for company.
While rummaging through old boxes and papers, she came across a small, dusty lamp.
Curious, she picked it up and gave it a good rub with her apron—when suddenly, POOF!—a Genie appeared in a puff of smoke.
“I shall grant you three wishes,” announced the Genie.
The grandmother thought for a moment and said,
“I wish to be the most stunning 20-year-old woman alive, I wish to have more money than I could ever spend, and I wish my cat would become the most handsome prince in the world.”
The Genie gave a nod, and in a swirl of smoke and sparkles—whoosh!—he and the lamp vanished.
The grandma looked at herself: young, radiant, and absolutely breathtaking.
All around her were piles and piles of cash—big bills, everywhere. She tossed some into the air and laughed as they fluttered down like confetti.
Then, she turned to where her beloved cat had been sitting…
In his place now stood a tall, dark, and impossibly handsome man—with sculpted features, a six-pack, broad shoulders, and a professional athlete’s physique.
He walked up to her, gently took her face in his hands, looked deep into her eyes, and whispered,
“So… do you still regret having me neutered?”
07/17/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20869
This guy, Artie, gets tired of working so hard and not getting anywhere, and seeing all these guys in the Mafia in their fine three piece suits and fancy cars, decides that he has to join the Mafia.
He goes up to one of the guys and says, ” I want to join the Mafia.”
The guy answers, ” You ever kill any one for money?”
Artie answers, “No.”
The guy says, ” Well, you either got to be born into the mafia, or you gotta kill somebody for money.”
So Artie says, ” How much will you pay me?”
The guy says, ” I’m not gonna pay you.”
Artie says, ” C’mon, just pay me a dollar so I can get in.”
The guy says, ” Okay, I’ll tell you what. You kill somebody, tell me about it, and if I see it in the morning paper, I’ll pay you a dollar.”
Artie says, ” Oh thank you, thank you!” and heads off on his mission. He goes to Ralphs Supermarket, sees an old lady pushing a cart, and decides that she’s lived a full life, goes up to her, grabs her round the neck and chokes her to death.
The bag boy sees him, and chases after him. Artie realizes that he can’t out run the bag boy, turns around, grabs the bag boy by the neck and chokes him to death.
In the morning paper the headlines read, ” ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT RALPHS!”
07/16/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20864
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
“If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?” she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
“You have 171 sheep,” said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, “if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?”
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. “You’re a blonde! Now give me back my dog.”